Blake, 13, Northern Maryland

Young person looking at the camera sitting on a fence in the garden

I only completely figured out my gender a few months ago. In fact, I’d still say I haven’t 100% ever fully figured it out. The first time I properly questioned my gender was when I was about 6. The first time I expressed myself was when I was 2 1/2. I told my mom I wanted boy’s underwear instead of girl’s. I ended up getting Spiderman underwear. I also would watch a lot of Saturday morning cartoons and always saw the awesome guys and would think “Wow, they’re a lot like me!”

It honestly now feels like I am just being myself. I’m not living in the shell that I had thought I’d be stuck in. As one of my swim coaches put it, I know who I am.

When I first came out to my best friend, she immediately took to calling me, Blake. When I came out to another one of my friends, she too liked the name and began calling me Blake around others and correcting everyone.

In comparison to other people’s stories, I have had it pretty easy. My immediate family uses my name, and my mom and sister sometimes use the right pronouns. As for my grandparents and other relatives, it is a bit more challenging, seeing as one side sometimes completely ignores my name and pronouns. But my friends are even better family and I know I always have them.

I know that I don’t fit all of society’s gender roles. For example, I have fairly long hair. I do like to paint my nails. I wear makeup to cover up acne and pimples and such. I cry. I like sewing and watching Project Runway with my mom.

What’s special about me is that I don’t fit all of the male roles, and that’s okay too.

I love our dog Ellie, who has actually helped me a lot. My family is known to speak up to each other about certain topics that can be a bit touchy at times. Ellie has calmed down a lot of tension between us. Also, she’s always there for a hug when I have a bad day.

What would really help someone understand the challenges of being transgender would be for it to be better known that we exist. Transgender people don’t get very much representation in the media. The few big names are good influences, but we need more people who are comfortable speaking out about the challenges we can face.

One of the biggest challenges of being transgender is that you are always worrying about if people will accept you if they know you’re trans. For me, I introduce myself as Blake but I am still often just mistaken for a butch lesbian. If I correct someone, I’m always afraid of a 10-minute rant about how being transgender is a sin, or how we’re all faking it for attention, or that we’re all mentally ill and need help.

Being transgender really helps me see how gender roles in society can shape a person. For people who fit their gender roles, it’s easy to be seen as overly masculine or feminine and not taken seriously. People who don’t fit a lot of the gender roles get stereotyped and called slurs. It’s really a delicate balance.