James, 8, Bay Area Ca — Transcending Self

James, 8, Bay Area, CA

When I went to pick him up from school one February day during second grade, I saw one of his closest friends and asked her where my daughter was. She told me that I should know my child's secret: that his inner person is a boy, and that he thinks I'm going to be mad. My friend's child had thankfully told me everything I needed to hear. My child's inner person is a boy, and he was worried about my reaction. I saw no other path than to follow my child's lead. He immediately asked for a boy name, boy hair, and boy clothes.

Over the last six months, my child has transitioned and transformed. He has become more confident, happier, and lighter. He feels free of his secret, and it shows. He has started to perform better at school and has fewer problems socially. He appears significantly happier to be himself. He has been consistent, persistent, and insistent that he is a boy. Not that he wants to be a boy, but that he IS a boy.

My child has been told, by kids at school, that he is not a boy or a girl, but an ‘it.’ He has been questioned by skeptical kids and adults. Some of his old friends go out of their way to use his dead name or the wrong pronouns. He has chosen to not go to parties, play dates, sleepovers, camps, and other activities due to trepidation about dealing with some of these children.

My child is special, not because he is a transgender boy, but because of his profound empathy, bravery, and emotional wisdom. My child would never choose to rock the boat, as his main desire is to focus on others and please them. We know that is not always a healthy quality, and have worked to build his inner resilience and self-focus, but it has always been a challenge. Therefore, when he boldly and bravely shared his truth and requested to change it all, we had to bravely follow suit. Our eight-year-old warrior is fighting to be himself. We are standing by him as his allies and fighting for his right to be seen as the normal, happy, brave, empathetic, nurturing, creative person that he is.