Jay, 5, Luton, England
Jay, 5, Luton, England
Jay’s mom: At around 2.5yrs old, the twins were both starting to talk more and had begun identifying/separating themselves and other people out by their gender. Jay said he was a boy. We assumed he was a tomboy and thought it was cute that he liked Batman etc. He continued to say he was a boy and became increasingly distressed at people calling him a girl and using female pronouns. He said he was a boy with the same certainty as his sister said she was a girl.
In the end, you have no choice, you have to follow where your child leads and remember that their emotional wellbeing is more important than other people’s misconceptions and more important than your own pride or discomfort.
One day when Jay was 4 we were in the car and he said “Mummy, can you ask people to stop calling me ‘she’ and ‘her’ now, it makes me sad.” This was the real turning point, we had to make a decision to support him and to change pronouns, up until then it was ‘just’ clothes and he was ‘just’ a tomboyish girl.
Jay says he is so happy to be addressed using his male name and pronouns, sometimes he gets a little sad at being misgendered (he has long hair) but mostly he is happy to just correct people and carry on. He loves knowing that people who are important to him see him as male, and absolutely beams when those he loves most use male-orientated terms of endearment. He will sometimes seek reassurance from me that everyone in our lives definitely knows he’s a boy, and when I confirm again that they do, I can see how happy that makes him.
I want people to know my child is a human being, that his existence and his identity are valid. And that other people’s ignorance is not an excuse to mistreat the transgender community.
Jay would want you to know that he’s a boy, that his favourite colour is orange, and that he loves Spiderman.
from Jay about puberty blockers.
If I can’t get the blocker I will be scared, nervous, and anxious Not safe. Not comfortable. I wouldn't feel like this is myself. I will feel Angry and mad Sad. This will affect my life because