Justin, 8, Bay Area California

Justin, 8, and his younger brother, Bay Area, California

Justin’s mom- Before Justin was Justin his dad, Eric, ran into an acquaintance who said her daughter was now her son and had changed names and pronouns. Eric came home and told me and Justin. Justin’s face lit up. I could see this light bulb go off in his head—’really?? This is a possibility?’. Justin (then a different name) came back and said, I want to be Justin and I was like, oh, ok.

He asked me that same day to e-mail his teacher and tell her he was going by Justin and he. So I did. He was sure and in my heart, I was sure too. I couldn't do anything else. When your child tells you something like that you know it's real and you know in your heart they can't live any other way or they would not be able to be true to themselves. I told Justin.’ I will always love you no matter what. Whether you are a boy or girl I will always love you!’

From the first day, Justin has been persistent and would get mad and correct us when we forgot. Since Justin has become Justin he lets me hold him and cuddle with him. Before the transition, Justin would barely let me touch him. He is happier as a boy.

I felt scared and overwhelmed at first. It would hit me in my car when I was alone. I longed for him as I knew him (her), with time I don't feel as sad. Sometimes I worry about his future and just hope that everything will be ok. I hope that he will find closeness and friendships with others.

Most people have been supportive. Every once in a while people have asked me the expected question "How can your child know at such a young age?" Others say "maybe it's just a phase." I tell them, "they know." And it's ok with me if it’s not a "phase." Sometimes people get emotional when I tell them and have tears of their own.

With other people, we have been less fortunate.  Justin’s grandma told me she would "play along with it." As if it was some sort of game. I told her this is not a game. For a long time, his grandma would use the wrong pronoun and I finally told her she was not welcome at my house unless she was able to call Justin, Justin, and use he.

Justin’s 2nd-grade teacher and principal also had a difficult time getting on board and helping Justin with his transition. His teacher wouldn't use the correct pronouns. When Justin was having difficulties with the kids at school the principal just said, ’ Yeah it's going to be really tough for him right now but that's just how it is.’ We met frequently and I emailed weekly. I asked the school to have Gender Spectrum come out and educate the teachers and kids at school. The principal insisted that they had a program in place and that there was ONE book in the library for the teachers to reference. Actually what was in place was from four years ago. The kids spent a lot of time teasing Justin saying things to him like, ‘I don't need to call you Justin because that is not your birth name’. I finally pulled him out of school at his request and he finished off the year doing independent study.

Justin is very creative. He likes to knit, draw, make things. He is also very strong and physically active. He likes gymnastics, Taekwando, ice skating, and break dancing. He is extremely sensitive and wants things to be fair. He wants to be a model/actor, hairstylist, and one day hopes to be in the Olympics for gymnastics.

After meeting the author of the gender creative child, Diane Ehrensaft, PhD, I agree with her that people are born with a vagina or a penis but that alone does not determine if they are a boy or a girl. Honestly, I don't think it matters what people are and I wish society wasn't so stuck on the belief that penis=boy and vagina=girl. Clearly, gender is not defined by genitalia.

Justin’s dad- I was in Philadelphia for my grandmother's funeral. Justin was 7 at the time. I got text from my wife saying that Justin wanted to be a boy and changed his name. I thought it was just another one of his quirky things that he did every once in a while and that he was going to do for a week and then change his mind.  Weeks went by, months went by.  It felt like someone pulled the rug out from under me.

Justin’s teacher and principal were not very helpful during the transition.  They could have done more. They could have stepped it up a notch.  But instead, everything fell apart for Justin.  And they just let it happen.

Justin came into the world screaming.  He still does.  He is a ball of fire.  A body full of energy.   When he focuses that energy into the activities he's into: art, dancing, singing, gymnastics, Taekwondo, skateboarding...he is awesome! Justin Wants to be an actor/model.  Wants to be in a band.  Wants to be a black belt in Taekwondo.  Wants to eat candy. 

I didn't sign up for this.  But I'm in it for the long haul. 

I'm scared at times.  I fear for his future.  I want him to be happy. I want him to be accepted.  I want him to have friends.  I want him to believe that anything is possible.  I want him to know that he is loved.  He does seem happy.  He seems more natural being a boy.

What is gender anyway? It's more than just male/female.  It's many things.  It's what you feel in your heart and in your mind.  You are not defined by your genitalia.