Noah, 8, Queens. NY
Noah, 8, Queens NY
(from Ecuador)
The best thing about being a boy is you can protect people. Being a boy to me is special. I felt happy when people found out I am a boy because my mom accepts me. Being trans is nothing bad. My family loves me and they know I’m a boy.
I know I'm a boy because I felt it in my heart. Inside I’m a boy. I like blue, I like cars and Batman and soccer and I just know I’m like other boys. I wasn’t happy with long hair. Now I’m happy
Things that make me happy are monkey bars, Batman, takis, and friends. My mom's face makes me laugh when she dances, I show her how she looks then she laughs then I laugh because she’s laughing.
Sad things are bullies, cigarettes and drugs and people who don’t have money to buy food. I like school. My friends are good, We play soccer together.
School is bad when the new teachers call me by my old name.I never respond to it but it makes me nervous.one time I sat down to pee in the bathroom. My friend saw my feet from outside and asked me if I like sitting down to pee. I was so nervous I didn’t know what to say.
I’m scared people will find out. I don’t want people to find out and ask me questions. I’m just a boy but some people don’t understand maybe.
Being trans is not bad. It’s just people who are in the wrong body. It shouldn’t be a big deal. If you want to be a boy, be a boy or a girl. It’s ok. Some boys have vaginas my mom says. That’s true.
My favorite colors are blue and gray and Ecuador is my favorite place because all my family is there and the food is good. My favorite thing is musically I make videos and it makes me feel happy and cool.
Noah’s Mom
He must have been a little over 3 when he approached me saying, “Mom I know what’s wrong with me!” Alarmed, I asked, “What’s wrong what hurts?” He said, “God made a mistake, he put me in the wrong body.” I asked what this meant, feeling confused by the religious talk given I’ve never mentioned god in my household before. He continued, “I am really a boy but he put me in a girl’s body”. I automatically began researching (googling really) words like gender confusion, identity crisis, and even lesbian children! Embarrassing, I know especially given I am a mental health counselor. When it’s your child common sense becomes less common.
He has identified since as a boy.
I told my siblings right after the “God” statement. No one was surprised, everyone had somehow expected something like this. My sister said, “She’s really not your typical little girl”. To be honest I hoped it was a phase, a result of the physical separation from his dad who was in Ecuador, a consequence of leaving our native country, a kind of acting out. Looking back there were little things before the comment about god putting him in the wrong body. Running to the boys’ section at Toys R us, crying at the sight of a dress, saying he hates his name, etc.
A year after, visiting his dad in Ecuador he expressed the same “God made a mistake” theory to his dad. His father immediately questioned and blamed me for his” little girl’s” confusion. “You’re not as feminine as you should be and you’re allowing her to dress in boys’ clothes!” he yelled, I felt guilt build-up immediately. That day I forced him to wear a dress for his birthday celebration. He was turning 4, he wanted to wear his ninja turtles shirt, I wanted a pink polka dot dress. He cried and we compromised at a gray dress. His dad was happy, I was frustrated and Noah was very sad.
Boys’ clothing wasn’t enough anymore. When he asked for a haircut. I said, “absolutely not!”, I thought it was enough to let him dress in gender neutral and boys clothes. After various pleas, he came up with a way I couldn’t say no to the haircut. He asked, “if I had cancer like the kids in the commercial (Saint Jude’s) I would lose my hair?” Without really thinking I said “yes people with cancer lose their hair”. He then said, “how can I get cancer?”, I understood then it was time for the haircut.
Our family has been extremely supportive. Most of them are in Ecuador and contrary to popular belief, “third world country” folks can be very open-minded. Also, contrary to popular belief, colleagues in the mental health field have unfriended me despite their “understanding” of human behavior.
When we first moved to the U.S, it was supposed to be temporary. I figured work, save some money and go back home to Ecuador. Everyone is there, all of our family, his dad, and his family. His transition and gender identity, in general, make it impossible to go back. Being gay even is extremely frowned upon. I can’t even imagine how my child may be treated in a fanatically religious country like Ecuador. On top of all the potential emotional damage he can encounter there, there’s the medical part. Hormone treatment and blockers for example aren’t even an option there. Our stay in the U.S is now permanent, with today’s government, I’m not sure he’s much safer here.
I believe Noah on his own is a reward beyond his gender identity. I believe children like him are here to show us what brave looks like. He shows me every day.
His understanding of self and his acceptance of others’ ignorance to trans issues is wise beyond his years. Advocacy and activism have come naturally being his parent. When I get mad at some politician, he often says, “People just don’t know mommy, don’t get mad at them”.
Noah hopes to be seen for who he is. He, I believe hopes to continue to be happy and live with this sense or “normalcy” that other cis-gender children have. I want him to be respected and safe, just the things every parent wants, nothing more, nothing less.
Gender is a construct, it’s really ignorant for lack of better words to think of it as black or white. Gender is a spectrum and children deserve love and respect despite where on that spectrum they fall on. We parents of transgender children are a tough group. We will never stop fighting for our children’s rights.